翻译：糖衣楷书 校对：moki、白羽黑鹭 英语字幕来源：tvsubtitles.net
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感觉怎么样？ How do those feel to you?
嗯 脚感挺不错的 Well, they feel pretty good.
我蛮喜欢这些矫正器的 I kinda like these orthotics.
对 它们的确有用 Yeah, they're really going to help.
老哥 它们真的会产生噪音 Boy, they sure make a lot of noise.
需要花点时间磨合 They take a while to work in.
啊 耶稣 Ah, Jesús!
你好吗 How are you?
- 一切都好吗 - 是 - Everything okay? - Si.
嗯 Yeah?
你看上去有点低落 You seem a little down.
不我没事 No, I.. I okay.
- 你没事吗 - 是 - You okay? - Si.
能帮我个忙不 Can you do me a favor?
小忙 可以吧 Small favor, okay?
小忙 都不算是帮忙 Small favor... it's hardly even a favor.
你在这干活 所以其实算你的工作 You work here, actually, so it's part of your job.
不管怎么说还是帮个忙好吧 Either way, it's still a favor. Okay.
呃 我这里 So I got, uh...
看见这个吗 see this thing?
这叫门柱圣卷 It's a mezuzah.
明白吗 Got that?
我需要你把它装在 And I need you to put it
门的这个位置 over the door here.
这是犹太的东西 This is like a jewish thing.
你看 我们把它装在门上 You know, we put it over the door
这样社区里所有反犹分子都知道我们住这 so every anti- semite in the neighborhood will know that we live here
如果他们想烧房子就到这来 in case they wanna burn down the house.
反正你得需要个钉子 Anyway, you just need a nail.
找钉子 锤子和钉子 Get a nail, hammer and a nail,
- 装上 - 是 门柱圣卷 - put it up. - Si, mezuzah.
嗯 门柱圣卷 Yeah, mezuzah.
我都 我都不知道这东西有什么用 真的 I don't... I don't know what it does, really.
但反正吧 我父亲要来看看 But anyway, because my father's coming to visit,
要是没看见这个他会不高兴 he'll be upset if he doesn't see it up there.
他有点耳背 所以跟他说话要大点声 He's a little hard- of- hearing, so when you talk to him, talk loud.
他听力不太好 He's losing his hearing.
- 好吗 - 好的 - Okay? - Okay.
所以你就说话大点声 So you just speak up a little bit
你好 你好 就这样 "Hello, hello!" You know.
- 你好 你好 - 嗯 你怎么样 大卫先生 - "Hello! Hello!" - Yeah, "How do you feel, Mr. David?"
你怎么样 大卫先生 "How do you feel, Mr. David?"
好的 好的 耶稣 That's good. That's good, Jesús.
顺便 是耶稣还是爷稣 还是都行 By the way, Jesús... Jesus... either one?
都行 Either one, si.
好的 It's okay.
- 都一样 - 是 - Same thing. - Si.
好的好的 Okay, okay.
- 我装门柱圣卷 - 太好了 - I do mezuzah. - Okay, great.
你的腿怎么了 What happened to your leg?
我脚后跟疼 It hurts on the bottom of my feet.
我也有这毛病 I have the exact same thing!
耶稣 想不想改变你的生活 Do you want your life changed, Jesus?
呃 好吧 Huh? Okay.
看见这个没 See this?
这叫矫正鞋垫 It's called an orthotic.
把它们装在你的鞋底 Just put 'em in the bottom of your shoe,
- 就行了 - 不不不我去装门柱圣卷 and that's it. - No no no, I do the mezuzah
试试吧 Try them on!
跟他说 玛利亚 Tell him, Maria.
亲爱的 Honey...
这能有什么 只会让你感觉更好 What could it hurt? It make you feel better.
- 好吧 - 好的 给你 - Okay. - All right, okay, there you go.
- 好 - 这主意真好 [西语]谢谢 拉里先生 - Okay. - It's a good idea. Gracias, Mr. Larry.
- [西语]不客气 - 谢谢 - De nada. - Thank you.
[西语]不客气 De nada.
[西语]不~客~气~ De naaadaaa.
- 这是什么声音 - 不知道 - What is that noise? - I don't know.
- 嘿 - 是你吗 - Hey. - Is that you?
- 啥 - 什么声音 - What? - What's that noise?
哦 矫正鞋垫 Oh, the orthotics.
- 什么 - 吵 - What? - Loud!
不 这得慢慢磨合 得花点时间 Well, you gotta break'em in. It takes a little time.
真的很吵 They're really loud.
嗯 它们对我的脚有好处 我跟你说 Well, they're very good for my feet, I could tell you that.
- 我的脚感觉好多了 - 很好 - My feet feel a lot better. - That's good.
我问你件事 Let me ask you something :
为什么吃饭之前 Why is it that before you have a meal,
要划十字 you do the whole cross thing,
但是零食就不用 but not for snack.
我觉得对零食不适用 I don't think it applies to snacks.
我猜 不然你就要整天划十字了 I guess, otherwise you'd be crossing all day long.
应该有那种一个人一天划十字数量的上限 There must be a maximum number of times one can cross per day.
呃我想知道纪录是多少 Uh, I wonder what the record is.
你有见过谁吃零食还划十字的吗 Have you ever seen any crossing on a snack, ever?
- 我不觉得 - 等一下 - I don't think so. - Excuse me.
我要去留心观察谁会在吃零食之前划十字 I'm gonna be on the lookout for people who cross before snacking.
- 这是什么 - 这个吗 - What's that? - This?
这是个钉子 This is a nail.
网上买的 来自《基督受难记》 I bought this on the internet. It's from "The Passion of the Christ".
- 什么 开玩笑吗 - 没有 - What, are you kidding? - No.
- 有点意思 - 你是买的电影里那个钉子吗 - Kind of interesting... - You got one of Christ nails from the movie?
你没看过吗 Have you seen it?
我没看 I didn't see it.
- 好吧你必须 - 我错过了那个电影 - All right, you must... - I missed "Passion of the Christ".
- 我们有张DVD可以寄给你 - 真希望我去看了 - We have it on dvd, we can send it to you. - Wish I could have gone.
网上有《基督受难记》 They have all kinds of things in the internet...
你知道吧 各种版本的都有 ...you know, for "The Passion of the Christ".
你特别沉迷这个耶稣老兄是吗 You're nuts about this Jesus guy, aren't you?
呃 我和基督建立了人际关系 Well, I have a personal relationship with Christ.
- 真的吗 - 算是吧 嗯 - Really? - Kinda... yeah.
要是耶稣是女的我就理解崇拜他 I can see worshipping Jesus if he were a girl.
或者他有个叫简的女儿 Like if god had a daughter... Jane.
我会崇拜简 I'll worship a Jane.
- 不 - 但是你知道的 要崇拜一个男的 - No. - But, you know, to worship a guy...
感觉有点 有点弯弯的是不是 it's like a little kinda, you know, it's a little gay, isn't it?
- 好吧 - 主啊 你这是什么毛病 - Okay. - The son of god! What's the matter with you?
不我只是说 一个女孩 No, I'm just saying. A girl...
我会崇拜简 要是耶稣有个女儿叫简 I would worship Jane... if he had a daughter Jane,
- 我就会和简发生关系 - 他没有女儿 - I could have a relationship with a Jane. - He didn't have a daughter!
真遗憾他没有女儿 我就说这么多 It's a shame it wasn't a girl. That's all I have to say.
好看的女人 丰满 你懂吧 Good- looking woman, zaftig, you know?
- 很有幽默感 - 很好 - Good sense of humor. - That's fine.
- 他要是有个女儿那人人 - 我们知道了 - If he had a daughter, everybody... - We got it.
- 人人都会崇拜简的 - 别说了 - everybody would worship Jane. - Stop it.
我就说这么多 That's all I'm saying.
- 拉里 - 怎么 - Larry? - What?
你在做什么 What are you doing?
什么 没做什么 What? Nothing.
我 你的胸罩有点 I was... your bra was kind of...
它块掉下来了我就 我把它放回去 it was about to fall off and I was... I was putting it back on.
好吧 那 All right, and...
我感觉你在看 I felt like you were looking at...
我的尺寸 my size.
我 I...
呃 well...
我不是故意要看尺寸才去碰的 I didn't deliberately set out to look at the size,
但是 我手里拿着胸罩 but I was... I had the bra in my hand,
就像是 你懂 好比拿着一本驾照 and it's kind of like, you know, if you have a driver's license
你就想看看出生日期 就这样 you check out the date of birth. That's all.
- 好吧 - 我就看了看 - Okay. - I checked it out.
那你觉得呢 And what'd you think?
嗯 Yeah....
好的 挺好的 Okay, it was good.
好吧 说回正题 Well, while we're on the subject,
我觉得我们得请玛利亚离开 I think we're gonna have to let Maria go.
- 我不能 - 真的吗 - I cannot... - Really?
就这么看着她 stand to watch her
不穿胸罩在这一屋一屋的做卫生 clean room to room without a bra.
非常让人分心 It's very distracting.
我知道 但这不是小事 I know, but that's a big move.
你看 为什么你不去叫她带上胸罩呢 You know, why don't you just tell her to put a bra on?
我不会跟人说这个话题的 I'm not gonna have that conversation with someone.
我宁可炒了她 I would rather just get rid of her.
- 我们找别人 - 真的吗 - We'll find somebody else. - Really?
首先 她做的鸡肉沙拉最好了 First of all, she makes the best chicken salad.
我真的会很怀念 I would really miss that.
呃 拉里 你要么告诉她让她穿胸罩 要么炒了她 Well, Larry, then you're gonna have to tell her to wear a bra or fire her.
- 要是我看见 - 好的 我 我跟她说 - If I see... - All right, I'll... I'll tell her.
- 我会叫她戴上胸罩 - 好 - I'll tell her to put the bra on. - Okay.
我跟她说 我跟她说 没问题 I'll talk to her. I'll talk to her, no problem.
- 好的 我知道了 - 你看完了吗 - All right. I got it. - You done with this?
- 嗯 - 看完了吗 - Yeah, I am. - You done?
哦嗨 我以为你是耶稣 Oh hi, I thought you were Jesús!
耶稣 不开玩笑 Jesús! No kidding.
嗯他的鞋听起来跟你的一样 Yeah, his shoes sound like your shoes.
- 是吗 - 是啊 非常吵 - Yeah? - Yeah, they're very loud.
它们声音很大 你得慢慢磨合 They make a lot of noise. You gotta break them in.
嗯 但他的脚感觉非常舒服 Yeah, but his feet feel really good.
- 好多了吗 - 嗯是 - They're better? - Si, yeah.
- 棒 - 嗯谢谢 - Fantastic! - Yeah, thank you.
- 难以置信 - 管用 - That's unbelievable. - It's good.
- 它们特别合适吗 - 嗯哼 - They fit and everything? - Mm- hmm!
- 他高兴吗 - 嗯 - Is he happy? - Yes.
其实 这事咱们俩之间说 'Cause you know, between you and me,
耶稣 他这个人可能有点沮丧 he could be quite a downer this guy, this Jesús.
嗯我知道 Yes, I know.
他是好人 He's good.
- 玛利亚 - 嗯 - Maria? - Yeah?
我觉得有件小事得和你谈谈 I got a little thing I need to talk about with you.
好 Okay.
谢丽儿和我有天晚上谈了一次 Cheryl and I were having a conversation the other night.
呃其实就是昨晚 Well, last night, actually.
你知道的 我们没法不去注意 呃 You know, we couldn't help but notice that, uh,
你没穿 呃 you don't wear a, uh...
- 胸罩 - 哦不 不喜欢穿 bra. - Oh, no. Don't like 'em.
不适合我 Not for me.
- 不适合你 - 不 - Not for you? - No.
因为 你知道我岳父来了 Because, you know I got my father- in- law here.
- 他们一家人觉得有点让人分心 - 让人分心 - They're kind of distracting. - Distracting?
嗯 来回抖动 Yeah, a lot of flopping going on.
- 不 它才不会抖 - 这就抖了 - No, they don't flop... - There's floppin'!
不喜欢那种支撑 它们不舒服 Don't like the support things, they're uncomfortable.
我有15年没穿过了 I haven't worn one in 15 years.
这15年来他们在胸罩上实现了可观的技术进步 They've made some great technological advances in bras in 15 years.
它们诱人 舒适 还是纯棉的 They're inviting and cozy and cottony.
你们管这种棉叫什么来着 What do you call that cotton?
彪马 Puma?
不对那是运动鞋 That's a sneaker.
哦对 皮马 皮马 All right... pima! Pima!
不我不喜欢 No, I don't like 'em.
你不喜欢 You don't like 'em.
好吧 我告诉你我准备怎么办 All right, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do for you.
我要给你买一副胸罩 怎么样 I'm gonna buy you a bra, how about that?
我给你买 你试着穿上 你就懂了 I'll buy you one, you'll try it, you'll put it on, you'll see...
你会懂我说的是什么 you'll see what I'm talking about.
算我的 My treat.
- 好吧那我试试 - 你试试 - Okay, I'll try it. - You'll try it!
我就试穿一下然后 我们看吧 I'll just try it on and just... let's see.
我去给你买一副胸罩 I'm gonna get you a bra.
你在哪 Where are you?
我在厨房 I'm in the kitchen.
那是什么声音 What the hell is that?
哦 我的矫正鞋垫 Oh, my orthotics.
这里面有什么故事 What's the story with that?
呃 你懂 我新买了矫正鞋垫 Well, I got these new orthotics, you know...
- 它会一直这么响吗 - 不不 你需要磨合 - Is it always gonna sound that way? - No, no, you need to break 'em in.
- 好吧 - 但我的脚 - Okay... - But my foot...!
- 让我睡得香 - 真的吗 - Good night, nurse. - Really?
- 嗯 - 怎么样 恭喜啊 - Yeah. - How about that? Congratulations.
谢谢 谢谢 Thank you. Thank you.
- 要啤酒吗 - 嗯哼 一会吧 - Beer? - Hmmm. Maybe later.
好吧 如果你想要 我也找不到起子 All right, well, if you want one, I can't find my can opener.
我跟你说 I'm telling you something.
我家的家政偷东西 I got a housekeeper who steals.
- 真的吗 - 那可不 - Really? - Oh yeah.
就是个瓶起子 你可能觉得没啥价值 So it's just a can opener, you might not think it's much.
但是我不管找什么 都找不着 But everything I look for, gone!
- 怎么不炒了她 - 因为我不完全确定 - Why don't you fire her? - 'Cause I don't know for sure.
但我也很确定了 But I'm pretty sure.
唉 我讨厌听到这种 Gee, I hate to hear that.
我知道 很要命的 I know, it's horrible.
当然了 我的家政需要我教她戴胸罩 Of course, my housekeeper, I had to tell her to wear a bra.
你得叫你家的家政戴胸罩 You had to tell your housekeeper to wear a bra?
我给她买 I am buying her!
我得给她买一副 I have to buy her a bra.
我只是不知道她的尺寸 I just don't know what size she is.
亲爱的 Honey...
- 萨米最后一颗牙终于掉了 - 哦太好了 - Sammi's last tooth finally fell out. - Oh, great, great!
看看 嗯 Look at that, huh?
嗯 牙仙今晚要来了 Yeah, tooth fairy'll be coming tonight.
什么 等一下 这什么意思 What? Wait a second, what is this?
什么 牙仙吗 What, tooth fairy.
- 牙仙 - 是啊 - Tooth fairy? - Yeah.
什么 你开玩笑吗 她都11岁了 What, are you kidding? She's like 11 years old.
这特么不关你的事 拉里 It's none of your god damn business, Larry.
她的牙掉了 我们给她放到枕头底下 Her tooth falls out, we stick it under her pillow.
牙仙 她怎么还信 Tooth f... She still...
她怎么还信牙仙 She still believes in the tooth fairy?
嗯 她还信牙仙呢 Yes, she still believes in the tooth fairy.
这有什么关系 What's the matter with that?
- 真的吗 - 嗯 - Really? - Yeah.
天啊我震惊了 Jesus Christ, I'm shocked.
有什么好震惊的 What's so shocking?
你不理解小孩子 You don't understand children.
你根本不懂儿童心理 他们信什么不信什么 You don't know child psychology, and what they believe and not.
- 我觉得我不懂 - 不懂 - I guess I don't. - No!
在我开始掉牙之前我就知道没有牙仙 I knew there was no tooth fairy even before my teeth fell out.
真的吗 可能这就是你的问题了 Really? Well maybe that's what your problem is.
要是你心里有一丁点信仰或者信念 Maybe if you had a little faith or belief in something,
你就不会是现在这个样子 you wouldn't have ended up the way you did,
你明白吗 you know?
你在看什么 What are you looking at?
啥 没什么 What? No, nothing.
好吧 谢谢你的帮助哦 All right. Thanks for your help.
嗯 我很乐意 Yeah, my pleasure.
- 肯定有什么事 - 帮帮忙 - It's always something. - Do me a favor?
今天晚上就别管我们俩了 For the rest of the night, just leave us alone.
- 好啊我巴不得呢 - 谢谢 - Fine, my pleasure. - Thank you.
- 你知道吗 - 什么 - You know what? - What?
我觉得她的尺寸和我家的家政玛利亚一样大 I think she's about the same size as Maria, my housekeeper.
- 真的吗 - 嗯 - Really? - Yeah.
- 你知道她多大尺寸吗 - 不 但我可以去看看 - You know what size she is? - No. I can find out.
- 你能去看吗 - 当然 - Would you? - Sure.
- 谢谢 谢谢 - Thank you, thank you.
- 你知道谢丽儿多大尺寸吗 - Do you know what Cheryl's size is?
我才发现的 而且我跟你说 I just found out, and I gotta tell you something.
- 有点小失望 - 真的吗 - A little disappointed. - Really?
- 嗯 - 多大 B杯吗 - Yeah! - What, "B" cup?
- 我还是不要说了 - C - I'd rather not say. - "C"?
- 我不会说的 - 32还是34 - I can't, you know... I can't. - 32? 34?
- 我不想讨论这个 - 说嘛 - I don't want to talk about it. - Come on.
我不想讨论这个 I don't want to talk about it.
- 说吧 - 还是不说了 - Come on! - No! I'd rather not.
我把苏西的胸罩尺码给你 你给我谢丽儿的 I'm giving you Susie's bra size, give me Cheryl's bra size.
等价交换 It's a trade.
- 不行 我不想给 - 你知道吗 - I can't, I don't want to. - You know what?
你不给我谢丽儿的 我就不给你苏西的 You don't tell me Cheryl's, I ain't telling you Susie's.
- 好 - 好 - Okay. - Okay.
- 行 - 行 - Fine. - Fine.
我又不是那个急着去买胸罩的人 I'm not the one who has to go out and buy a bra.
- 我无所谓 - 哦你有所谓 - I don't give a shit. - Oh, yeah, you do.
难以置信是不是 It's unbelievable, isn't it?
我也能当篮球队总经理 I could be general manager of a basketball team.
- 不你不能 - 我可以组一支更好的队 - No, you couldn't. - I could put together a better team...
- 你不行 - 别说我不行 - You could not. - Don't tell me I couldn't!
你都没个头绪 You don't have a clue.
你在沙发上说的有一半… Half the things you say here on the couch...
我和这群傻帽对篮球了解一样多 I know as much about basketball as these idiots.
我只是需要机会 I just need the opportunity.
就这样 只需要机会 That's all, just the opportunity.
一个大学毕业的只需要机会的生瓜蛋子 A young, fresh kid out of college just needs the opportunity.
- 我真的 - 够了 - I do! - That's all.
- 我知道我做得来 - 是啊是啊 - I know I could do it. - Yeah, yeah...
- 你要去哪 - 厕所 - Where're you going? - Bathroom.
你在做什么 What are you doing?
你拿着钱做什么 What are you doing with that money?
我只是确认一下牙仙有没有放钱 I was checking to make sure the tooth fairy left it.
你撒谎 你是个骗子 You're lying! You're a liar!
你才是牙仙 根本就没有牙仙 You're the tooth fairy! There is no tooth fairy!
- 亲爱的 是有牙仙的 - 你撒谎 你才是 - Honey, there is a tooth fairy. - You're lying! It's you!
我要弄死他 I'm gonna kill him!
是你 你是牙仙 It's you! You're the tooth fairy!
- 你知道你干了什么吗 - 啥 - You know what you just did? - What?
萨米发现我在她枕头下面放钱了 Sammi caught me putting the money under her pillow.
因为你那双鞋把她吵醒了 Because you woke her up with those things in your shoes,
- 现在她知道我才是牙仙 - 真的吗 - and now she knows that I'm the tooth fairy. - Really?
- 鞋把她弄醒了 - 是啊你的鞋把她吵醒了 - The shoes woke her up? - Yes, the shoes woke her up!
现在她知道我才是牙仙了 She knows that there's no tooth fairy now!
- 我很抱歉 - 哦你抱歉是吗 - I'm sorry. - Oh, you're sorry?
我是她妈啊 信任啊 I'm her mother! Trust!
我知道 但这事早晚都要来 I know, but it had to happen eventually.
你知道吗你就是个混蛋大傻叉 我听不下去了 You know, you're a stupid fucking idiot! I cannot listen to this!
杰夫你听见了吗 Jeff, do you hear this?
- 不这是怎么了 - 这事早晚都要来 - No what's going on? - "It had to happen eventually."
- 什么要来 - 他的鞋垫 或者随便什么玩意 - What had to happen? - His orthotics, whatever the hell they are,
噪音把萨米吵醒了 the noise woke Sammi up.
你那双鞋子怎么了 What's with your farchadat shoes?
我跟你说了它需要时间磨合 I told you it takes a while to break 'em in.
那你在我家磨合啥 疯了 What are you breaking 'em in in my house for? It's crazy!
呃你知道 等等 Uh, you know it's... Hey look...
让我设想一下 好吗 let me just posit this, okay?
这可能是因祸得福 It might be a blessing in disguise.
- 啥 - 孩子已经11岁了 - How? - The kid's 11 years old already.
- 不需要什么牙仙了 - 关你屁事 拉里 - Enough with the tooth fairy! - Not your business, Larry,
你这个恶心的混蛋 you misanthropic moron!
不归你管 Not for you to judge!
她是我俩的孩子 我们决定她啥时候不信牙仙 She's our kid, we decide when she knows about the tooth fairy!
也许你一开始就不该提出这个扯淡的童话故事 Maybe you shouldn't have propagated this ridiculous myth!
快从我家滚出去 Get the fuck out of my house!
- 你确定 - 滚 - You sure? - Yes!
嘿 怎么回事 Hey, what's going on?
这是什么 What is it?
拉里 快把那鞋垫扔了 Larry, get rid of those orthotics!
现在我再也睡不着了 Now I'll never get back to sleep!
有什么可以帮您的 May I help you?
嗯 嗨 呃 Yes, hi, um...
嗯 我比较感兴趣 呃 yeah, I'm interested in, um...
买一个 呃 in buying a, uh...
胸罩 ...bra.
- 给您的 - 不 不是给我 - For your... - It's not for me, no.
给您的情人还是妻子 For your sweetheart or your wife?
- 女朋友吗 - 其实是我家的家政 - Girlfriend? - Actually, my housekeeper.
哦 家政啊 好的 Oh, housekeeper, okay.
我不想狡辩 真的不是给我买 I'm not making it up. It's really not for me.
好 不是 当然不是给您买 Fine, no it's not... of course it's not for you.
- 告诉我你相信我 - 这我当然相信啊 - Tell me you believe me. - I believe you, of course not!
这里面一点问题也没有 Not that there's anything wrong with it.
- 不因为我知道 - 但是这里面就是有问题 - No because I know... - But there is something wrong with it.
我说什么 这里面大有问题 What am I saying? There's a lot wrong with it.
- 你不能就车轱辘话一直说 - 我想四处走走 - You can't say that in this day and age. - I like to walk around
头戴一件内衣 这有什么问题 with underwear on my head. Is there anything wrong with that?
这有什么问题吗 Is there something wrong with that?
- 嗯 这里面有问题 - 真有意思 - Yeah, there's something wrong with that. - That's very funny.
- 所以你真的要买胸罩是吗 - 是 - So you really do need a bra, then? - Yes.
舒服的 她15年没穿过了 Something comfortable. She hasn't worn one in 15 years.
- 法式女仆装不行吗 - 不 不要带蕾丝的法式女仆装 - Not a french maid outfit? - No, it's not a lacey french maid outfit.
- 因为这种我们有很多 - 这个感觉很好啊 - 'Cause we have lots of those. - This feels very nice.
- 嗯 这是我们革命性的超弹棉 - 嗯 - Yes, this is our revolutionary "elasticene". - Yeah.
- 这个就 - 可爱 - This is the one... - Lovely.
这是我们制造最好的胸罩 This is the best bra we make.
好软啊 我喜欢 It's so soft, I like that.
- 我喜欢 - 其实 这个 - I like that. - In fact, this one...
我想知道他们用不用这种材料造内裤 I wonder if they make underwear out of this stuff.
造 我们有配套的内裤 They do. We have matching panties.
不 是给我们男的用 No, for me, for men.
你看 我就是这个意思 See, that's what I'm saying.
随便试试你想买的东西 Feel free to try on anything here that you want.
你是不是疯了 Are you out of your mind?
我不是说给我买 这不是给我的 I'm not saying it's for me. It's not for me.
我只是说这种柔软的泡泡材料 I'm just saying this kind of foamy, soft material
要是给我穿也会很棒 would be nice down there for me.
太柔顺了 真的 It's so smooth, yes.
我想穿这种不代表我就是变态 That doesn't make me a pervert just 'cause I want to wear...
- 这一点都不变态 - 用胸罩做成的内裤 - There's nothing perverted about it! - underwear made out of a bra.
这不代表我就是变态 That doesn't make me a pervert!
我们先 Let's start...
先看看这个女人多大尺码 Let's figure out what this woman has...
给你精心挑选了一个 Got a good selection for you here.
呃 你知道 唯一的问题 显然是尺码 And uh, you know the only issue, of course, is the size,
而我必须说我不怎么知道你的尺码 which I have to say I didn't really know your size.
我有预感我搞定了 I got a feeling I think I nailed it.
我真的 I really do!
好吧 先试试 Okay, try them all on.
- 好吗 - 谢谢你 大卫先生 - All right? - Thank you, Mr. David.
好吧 不用谢 All right, you're welcome.
你就是个恶心的混蛋你知不知道 You're a sick fuck, you know that?
你们在说啥 What are you talking about?
我们在说啥 What are we talking about?
拉里 你知道我们家的家政总偷东西 You know, our housekeeper's been stealing, Larry,
所以我们在家里四处装了监控器 so we installed cameras throughout the house.
我看了洗衣房的录像 Laundry room. I looked at the tape.
有意思啊拉里 你眼熟不 Quite a show, Larry. Look familiar?
好吧 其实我是在看尺码 All right, so, I'm looking at the size of it.
我得给家政买件胸罩 I needed to buy a bra for the housekeeper,
而看上去你们俩尺寸一样 and it seemed like you two were the same size.
所以我需要找出你的尺寸 So I needed to find out what your size was!
那你在这扭来扭曲是什么意思 And what's all this mincing around?
这是什么 What is this?
我是在想象家政 I was trying to imagine what it would be like
穿上这个会是什么样 to be the housekeeper and have those breasts
你懂 干活或者做饭 you know, working and doing dishes.
感觉怎么样 是不是很爽 And how did that feel? Did it feel good?
你们家家政就这么洗盘子是吧 This is how your housekeeper washes dishes, like this?
啊？她就这么干吗 跳舞扭来扭去然后洗盘子 Huh? That's what she does? She dances, mincin', washing dishes?
为什么你盯着她胸看 Why are you looking at her breasts?
我不明白你为什么会进她家洗衣房去 I don't understand why you would walk into her laundry room
然后乱翻人家的内衣 and start rifling through her underwear.
我只是碰巧看见那有件胸罩 I just happened to see the bra there,
所以我想 看看吧 so I thought, hey look at that,
她好像和玛利亚的尺寸一样 she seems to be about the same size as Maria!
你就这么做吗 把每个人胸部看一遍 That's what you're doing? Staring at everyone's breasts?
- 嗯就是 - 不 我是要给她买胸罩然后我觉得 - Yeah, exactly! - No, I knew I had to buy her a bra and I thought...
为什么你要给她买胸罩 Why are you buying her a bra?
你不需要给她买胸罩 You don't have to buy her a bra!
是你先要我给她买胸罩的 You made me get a bra for her in the first place!
我从没说过给她买胸罩 I never said go buy her a bra!
- 你什么毛病啊 - 你想叫她穿胸罩 - What is wrong with you? - You wanted her to put a bra on,
然后我就刚好 and I was just fine...
你不需要四处看着别人的 You don't walk around looking in...
- 很恶心 - 把你的臭手从我胸罩上挪开 - It's disgusting. - Keep you goddamn hands off my brassiere!
这不是第一次了 This isn't the first time it's happened.
还有一天他随便翻我东西 The other day he's rifling through my things
看我的标签 looking at my labels.
我们结婚11年了 We've been married 11 years.
所以我就偷看她的尺寸 摊上事了 So I took a little peek at her bra size, big deal.
告我去啊 把我关起来 So sue me! Lock me up!
变态 你个臭变态 Pervert! You sick fuck pervert!
- 你肯定是迷恋胸罩 - 哦别扯了 - You have some fetish about bras... - Oh get out of here!
家政 谢丽儿 还有我的 with the housekeeper, with Cheryl, with me...
- 别瞎扯了！- 我不知道这是怎么一回事 - Get out! - I don't know what the hell it is,
但是太恶心了还有你最好把这破鞋垫也扔了 but it's sick and you better fix those goddamn shoes too!
你知道他干了什么吗 'Cause you know what he did?
他有天晚上把萨米吵醒 He woke Sammi up the other night,
我那会因为她掉了牙要往她枕头下面塞钱 I was putting money under her pillow because her tooth fell out.
她发现我了 现在她知道... She caught me, now she knows...
嗯 因为就特么根本不存在牙仙 Yes, because there is no fucking tooth fairy!
- 是时候让她明白这一点了 - 关你屁事 - And It's about time she learned that! - None of your business!
你都去哪了 Where have you been?
买胸罩 Bra shopping.
可以吗 拉里先生 Okay, Mr. Larry?
- 好吗 - 非常好 - It's nice? - Very nice!
- 很好是吗 - 非常非常好 - It's good, huh? - Very nice indeed!
- 我喜欢 - 您喜欢吗 - I like it! - You like it?
很好 感觉很舒服 It's nice, it feels good.
- 好 - 嗯 感觉舒服 - Good. - Yeah, it feels nice.
他怎么了 What's with him?
哦他昨晚没怎么睡觉 Oh, he didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
被吵醒了所以今天感觉很累 He was woken up and now he's very tired today.
门柱圣卷怎么跑那里去了？ What's the mezuzah doing over there?
我父亲会抓狂的 My father's gonna freak out.
他随时都可能过来 耶稣怎么没把门柱圣卷装上 He's gonna be here any minute. Why didn't Jesus put the mezuzah up?
哦耶稣因为你谈论我胸部很郁闷 Oh, Jesús was very upset that you were talking about my breasts
然后想出去给我买一件 and wanting to buy a bra for me,
所以他说 叫大卫先生一边凉快去 so he said, "Mr. David can go fuck himself".
耶稣说什么 That's what Jesús said?
嗯 他很生气 Yeah, he was mad.
我父亲停车了 锤子呢？ My father's pulling up! Where's a hammer?
他就放在那边哪个抽屉里 He keeps it in the drawer somewhere.
钉子呢 哪有钉子？ What about a nail? Where's a nail?
我不知道他把钉子放哪里 I don't know where he keeps the nails!
发生什么了？ what's going on there?
我在装门柱圣卷 I'm putting up a mezuzah.
等等 Wait a minute.
那是我的钉子吗？ Is that my nail?
- 我给你再找一个 - 你拿了我的钉子？ - I'll get you another one. - You took my nail?
- 拉里 - 这叫渎圣 - Larry! - That's blasphemy!
什么 这里怎么了啊？ What? What is going on?
他拿了我的钉子 他抢了我的钉子 He took my nail! He took my nail!
他从我脖子上把钉子抢走了 He took the nail right off my neck!
- 为什么你脖子上戴个钉子？ - 那是耶稣的钉子 - Why'd you have a nail around your neck? - That's Jesus' nail!
- 那是耶稣的钉子 - 我知道但我爸马上就进来了 - That's Jesus' nail! - No, I know but my father's coming right now!
嗨 小伙子 Hey, boychick.
好吧 All right.
好吧 孩子 All right, kiddo.
嗨 耐特 Hi, Nat.
这是我吃过最好的鸡肉沙拉 This is the best chicken salad I've ever had.
- 最好的是吧 - 难以置信 - Ever, right? - Unbelievable.
- 太棒啦 - 难以置信 - It's amazing! - Unbelievable.
我不知道她是怎么做的 I don't know what the hell she does.
我的天 她会做鸡肉沙拉 还戴胸罩 十项全能啊 My god, she makes chicken salad and wears brassieres, she does it all!
是啊 顺便一说她对胸罩很满意 Yeah, she's very happy with the bras, by the way.
- 真的吗？ - 嗯 搞定了 - Really? - Yeah. Nailed,
搞定了胸罩尺寸 nailed the bra size.
- 真的吗 - 我不知道怎么做到的 - Really? - I don't know how I do it.
我这方面真的很有天赋 你知道不？ I've really got some kind of talent for that, you know?
也许你能在某处的嘉年华找个工作 Maybe you can get a job in a carnival somewhere.
嗯 是这样 Yeah, it's true.
- 我很擅长 - 嗯 开一个小工作间 - I'm good at it. - Yeah, have your own little booth.
"往前一步 你是 "Step right up. You are...
...36C ！"
- 我知道 - 多好 - I know. - Great.
当然啦 耶稣对整件事都不高兴 Of course, Jesús freaked out about the whole thing.
- 真的吗 - 他辞职了 嗯 - Really? - He quit, yeah.
- 他辞职了？ - 辞职了 - He quit? - Quit.
- 哇 - 胸罩这整件事 - Wow. - The whole thing about the bra,
讨论胸罩 talking about the bra,
要她买胸罩 asking her to buy a bra.
他让她跟我说一边凉快去 He told her to tell me to go fuck myself.
- 真的 - 嗯 - Really? - Yeah.
他这人真是烦人啊 He's a fucking nut job, this guy.
所以你把钉子换了吗？ So, did you replace the nail?
我换没换钉子？ Did I replace the nail?
- 我觉得我换了 - 嗯 好 - I believe I have. - Oh, okay, good.
你岳父肯定会非常高兴 Your father- in- law's gonna be very happy.
快乐老头 Happy man.
你爸高兴 你岳父高兴 Your dad's happy, you father- in- law's happy,
当然除非又有啥急事需要用钉子 Unless any other emergencies arise that require a nail to remedy it.
你永远不知道什么时候需要钉子 You never know when you're gonna need a nail.
- 永远不知道 - 不知道· - You never know. - Never know.
- 干 - 怎么了？ - Fuck! - What's the matter?
我的牙 My tooth!
什么？ What?
干 Fuck!
我觉得我的牙掉了 I think my tooth fell out.
该死 牙掉了 Shit! My tooth fell out!
- 我的牙 - 吃鸡肉三明治掉牙？ - My tooth! - From a chicken salad sandwich?
什么样的傻叉会在三明治里放骨头啊？ What fuckin' idiot put bones in a sandwich?
我咬到骨头上了 I bit into a bone!
鸡肉三明治里面有骨头 There's bones in the chicken salad!
该死 Shit!
干 Fuck!
安静 Quiet.
那是什么声音？ What's that noise?
- 什么 - 嘘 - What? - Shh.
听着像你的鞋 Sounds like your shoes.
耶稣 Jesús!
我谁也没看见 I didn't see anybody.
卧槽 Oh fuck!
- 怎么了 - 他刚刚摔了 - What happened? - He just fell.
摔了？ Fell?
这是哪国话？ What is that language?
我不知道 I have no idea.
这是什么？ What's this?
他脚上扎了什么东西 There's something in his foot!
噢我的天 Oh my god!
钉子 The nail.
它肯定是掉出来了 I must have dropped it!
救了我 It saved me!
来吧 咱们找人帮帮他 Come on, let's get him some help.
真幽默哦 Very funny.
我不知道你在说什么 I don't know what you're talking about.
翻译：糖衣楷书 校对：moki、白羽黑鹭 英语字幕来源：tvsubtitles.net